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No relationship is perfect. However, there are several serious pitfalls that will end a relationship very quickly if you don't try to avoid them. The 10 items below are some of the most common and serious mistakes than can keep you from having the lasting relationship you want.
1. Cheating. Being unfaithful is the number one way to end a relationship. If you want to see someone else, be responsible enough to end your relationship first. Anything else is just being dishonest and cowardly.
2. Hanging on to Your Ex. While it's very important to remember your past mistakes, it's also important to move on. If you're still hung up on your ex, perhaps it's too early to start a new relationship. Even when you think you have no feelings left, if you're stuck in a pattern of bringing up your ex all the time when you talk with your new partner, you should do some serious thinking about where you've been and where you're heading. Your current partner deserves your full attention. It's only fair.
3. Rushing Things. Relationships develop at their own pace. Some move quickly, others move slowly and steadily. If you push your partner too much, you risk pushing them away. Two prime examples of this are the timing of physical intimacy and saying "I love you." Both of these things are best when they happen naturally. You'll both know when the time is right and the relationship won't be strained.
4. Being Ruled by Jealousy. Often feelings of intense jealousy are caused by past relationships. If your partner is open and honest, you shouldn't feel threatened by incidental contact with someone else. Conversation and interaction is normal. Trust is also important. If you become jealous with your partner without real cause, it can seriously harm your relationship.
5. Focusing too much on the Future. When relationships are new, it's not the time to dwell too much on the future. Live for the day. The flush of excitement of a new relationship only happens once. Instead of worrying about what's coming next, enjoy what you have now. Often when one partner is too concerned about the future, the other partner is scared away thinking that they are too serious. Again, live for the moment and enjoy where you are.
6. Failure to Balance Friendships With the Relationship. It's important for each of you to have friends. People often take things very personally when someone talks badly about a friend. Because of these two things, it's critical to allow your partner time with and for their friends while avoiding talking badly about them. No one is perfect - most of our friends have quirks. Just remember that your friends can be a little strange, too. Finally, don't feel threatened when your partner wants to do something with their friends.
7. Failure to Communicate. Open honest communication is one of the most important things in a healthy relationship. When you keep secrets or even feel too embarrassed to discuss your thoughts, it can build walls between you and your partner. Yes, there is a risk that your feelings or thoughts might end up causing problems in the relationship. However, if there's a break-up because you're not compatible, that's OK. In fact it's far better to find that out than to pretend you're something you're not.
8. Forcing your Partner to Change. This is the flip-side of #7. If you can't accept who your partner is, you probably should find someone else. When you force your partner to change, there is often resentment and the changes rarely last. Even when a partner has a real problem, we can't "fix" them. We can encourage, but if they don't commit to the change on their own, it just won't happen.
9. Blaming Your Partner. A relationship takes two people. So do relationship problems. It can be very difficult and often painful to admit our part in relationship problems, but an honest look at our actions is critical. If you expect your partner to face the blame for a problem all alone, don't be surprised when they don't want to do anything else with your either.
10. Staying After the Feeling is Gone. If you're just going through the motions in a relationship, your partner knows it. If the relationship is worth saving, you both need to talk and find a way to reignite the spark If not, you should be honest enough to admit that the relationship is over. Often we're stuck in these ruts because the uncomfortable "known" seems better than the scary "unknown." In reality, a flat relationship will not last, and will often lead to serious conflict.
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Eric Van Peterson
Most of these are simple to begin, such as how to learn that communication is the key to keeping an open healthy relationship.
As for #4 I think it's one of the worst. Who wants to be in a relationship with someone who always hangs around their ex. If it's done for work or because you have kids together then fine. But if there is not connection between you and your ex then it's time to move on and stop being foul to your mate.
1very good points....thanks for sharing
2You're welcome *kty* I figured some people need to catch themselves when it comes to the bad things they do in a relationship. They may consider them small issues but these problems can weigh on your relationship heavier than you think after a while.
3WOW - each and every point is absolutely true - thank you for sharing - Pink
4No problem. I think more people need to take all of these things more serious. Even in marriage today people just have so much lack of consideration for their spouse. And that is the person that they're supposed to be with for life.
5i know - just my husband lacked RESPECT - one of the MAIN ingredients in a partnership - i call it the second MOST important AFTER love...
6I understand your situation *Iveenia* You are such a good person and shouldn't have had to go through that horrible drama in your own home.
Some marriages don’t last that long these days because no one bothers to repair what they’ve broken, that could be good for them once again. A relationship can be repaired if you truly desire it to be.
And I'm just talking about the little things that people do that they can easily be forgiven for.
Such as... your partner rushing things, jealousy, or blaming your partner for things that they most likely didn’t do.
These things can be forgiven and the problems can be worked on. But it takes two mature people in order to work things out properly.
7There are some good points here. Thanks!
8Thank you for your comment! I hope you enjoy the rest of the blogs too
9#8
Blaming your partner for everything is so wrong. Too many times we forget to look at ourselves and what we may be doing wrong as well in the relationship.
10What happens if his ex is the mother of his child?
11When it comes to men having children, I think we need to keep in mind that he has to think of them first (the children).
Now when it comes to drama with the mother, I think you need to have a line drawn letting him know just how much you are willing to tolerate. If he cannot handle the mother of his children then I would not waste my time going through the ghetto baby mamma drama with them.
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